Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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