We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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