i permit you to call me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
