She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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