you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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