my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
