I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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