my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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