My liver just broke up with me...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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