So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
