I think I just saw someone hide a body.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
