guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
