Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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