The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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