So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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