shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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