Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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