careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
