the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
