To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
