You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
