At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
