i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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