the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
