he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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