i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
