do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
