I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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