Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
