And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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