how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
