I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
