good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
