I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
