i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
