I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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