I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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