so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
