No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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