u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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