I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
