im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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