No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
