pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
