Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
