You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
