I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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