hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
