oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
