why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Send help, water and tortillas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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