i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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