I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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